so i have been accepted to grad school and i move to new hampshire in two days...which i know begs the question...what do you mean grad school....and you would think that now that i have at least phsyically rejoined the "1st world" population and with so many really big things happening to me in the almost 3 months since my return that i would have done tons of blogging and communicating, especially since i no longer have babies on my hip or lack of technological "conveniences" to hide behind as excuses...and yet....here we are...me with a whole lot of untold stories and yet another huge major life decision that i have failed to keep the interwebbytonlandville informed of and you...well i don't exactly know why you are here...i thought my mama was the only one reading this until i started getting ridiculous comments from that sadly uninformed "anonymous" and calls from the newspaper...but i am glad you are...and at any rate...i figured that this new season of life (the one where i move to a land that actually has seasons...including this one i have heard tell of but is only legend in our parts..."winter") would be a good time to try to start this whole blogging thing again...we will start with my application letter...i think it sums this move up...the questions were what are your significant learning experiences in life, what is your learning/problem solving style...and question three...why antioch, why at this time in your life, what do you hope to gain personally and professionally, and what do you hope to contribute to your field...all in 2-3 double spaced pages...right...
At 29 years old, sometimes I feel I have already lived several different lives. I have been able to experience so many different things and learn so many different lessons...about myself, about people, and about life. I have done enough of my “dream jobs” already to learn that if I keep moving forward I will get to do everything I ever dreamed about. I have helped care for three grandmothers as they died, two as they lost their physical bodies, and one as she lost her mind. I live in a different way now that I have seen what both are like. I have given my heart to someone who didn't deserve it and learned what it means to lose yourself in someone else, and to have to go looking for the pieces and put them back together. I have spent a summer working with a blind man and learned what it really means to see, learned the difference between having sight and having vision. I have met enough people who have everything to learn that “having everything” doesn't amount to much of anything. I have met enough people who don't have anything to recognize that there is “really something” to such a life. I have tried being several different people and I have learned that I am not nearly as good at being them as I am at being me.
I am a nerd. I love to make lists, to read and analyze, to look things up. But if I am going to really learn something, I have to “put my hands to it.” In my teaching, I definitely tend to show more than tell and that is also how I learn best. I usually approach a problem by breaking it down and looking at each part separately. Sometimes a situation becomes a problem merely because we are not looking at it from the right angle. Solving a problem for me is like an adventure, or a puzzle. I like to figure out how things can be rearranged so they fit together and work instead of clashing. I am very direct and I like to address issues before they grow out of proportion. I feel that healthy communication is vital to preventing and solving problems. I always explore the logic of a situation, sometimes ridiculously so, but I ultimately tend to be a go with my gut, follow my heart, trust my instincts kind of girl.
Case in point, I have been carrying around literature from Antioch New England for over a year and from the beginning I have felt so connected to this school that I have never visited and these teachers that I have never met. I can't tell you why, but some part of me knew as soon as I started looking for somewhere to study Dance Therapy that I wanted to do it at Antioch New England. “Why now?” is a very good question, especially since the deadline to apply passed last week. I have known for a long time that dance has tremendous power to heal and restore the mind and body, to offer a person the space and freedom to deal with who they are and how they feel in a way that nothing else can. I have even known for a long time that this is the area of dance I wanted to pursue. But seeing it happen... watching the wall of a child's pain begin to crumble and seeing the beauty of who they really are begin spill out on a dance floor (in this case a concrete rooftop in Haiti)...that will change everything. The first time I saw that happen I wanted, with a whole new intensity, to know everything there was to know about using the art of dance to help people. Still, when I returned home, I hesitated to go after something so big. The moving...the money...investing 2 years and my whole being to one of my many dreams...
Then a baby died.
Not my baby exactly, but a baby that I had fed on the hour through a feeding tube with a syringe, that I had Salsa danced with because a Latin beat made her smile like few things did, that I had held during days and nights of pain and fever and the general misery that comes with AIDS, a baby that I loved but could not have saved. Somehow, losing her brought back into view the vision of all the children who are waiting for healing and restoration, the children and people who could still have it, the children and people I have always wanted to help. I realized no matter how crazy it seems to go after this RIGHT NOW, now is exactly when I want to start moving toward the knowledge that matches the desire of my heart. The pains being suffered by the child soldiers and the abused women and the bearers of disease and the victims of hate are being felt NOW. So who am I to wait around any longer? Even as I type this I realize how utterly melodramatic it sounds, like something you say to get into grad school maybe, but it is actually way more honest than anything I had intended to write when I started typing. That is exactly what happened and exactly why you have this application at all.
To be completely honest, I am way more interested in the information than I am the Degree or the Certification. I plan to pursue both in excellence, but what I really want is to know how to do this, and do it well. I will bring my whole heart, all of my ideas, all of my experiences and every ounce of energy and passion I have to my studies, to my campus, to my community, and to my field.
That is the only way I know how to live.
