blog monster...or monster blog...whatever..a blog that almost scares me

so in the www. i have discovered something that there is nothing quite like the thought of almost a month of life so very full of things to say and share and tell....and a blog where you haven't said or shared or told any of it....where in the world do you start...and how in the world will you convince haitian internet to load all those hotos...and who without weeks of intense training would be able to hang in for such a blog if you could in fact create it...anyway, bear with me...i am going to try to make this happen...but don't blame me if this thing gets out and eats manhattan or something....

backing up to when my family came to visit...quick re-cap...

mama came to haiti...enough said really.

laura lynn and taniuska did surgery in a clinic.

we threw a birthday party that should go down in some kind of history of parties...20 babies all dressed up in costumes with no tears, no major injuries, and no mental breakdowns...see additional blogging and photos.

mama was amazing in haiti.

we went to the basket shop and saw the inner shopper emerge in my mother...i also almost got stuck in the bathroom.

we stole the big boys from dee dee's boy's home and took them to the park to dorothy's for a movie and out for pizza...yep, domino's in haiti...as i said on facebook...sometimes the boycotts aren't as important as the boys. p.s. mama was amazing.

we walked the ravine...tata scrubbed some heads...me and laura lynn tried to help with the scribing...thank you keziah and mary.

we discovered laura lynn needs an easier name for the sake of all the children in foreign countries who are going to love her.

there was lots of hugging and loving of babies...same as usual but this time with 6 extra arms.

mama was was in haiti...and did i mention she was amazing...i love that woman. and the two other chicks she came with did pretty good too :)

okay...update on my visit to supersickytonville...turns out that the 6 days i spent on the floor in our room was care of klebsiella pneumonia...some kind of non-strep throat infection...and we discussed when i got back just how ridiculous my behavior was during that week...mesi jezi for good roomates who kept me hydrated and got me well :)

so just about the time i was starting to feel like i might could start functioning again it was time for my trip home to the states...i had felt very strongly that i was supposed to go back to GA for my brother's play at college (he was willard hewett in footloose...and was so so great) so even though it seemed kind of silly i planned my trip that way....by the time i was supposed to go there were so many reasons that i knew i was supposed to be going home at that time and i was very thankful i had trusted the leanings of my spirit...and then the day before i left i heard that some dear friends of mine had lost their 15 year old nephew/grandson/son/cousin/brother under some extra heartbreaking circumstances...even with delays and my 13 hour layover (it took me 26 hours to make two 2 hour plane rides...you figure it out) i was able to get home just in time for the funeral. what a blessing to get to put my arms around those people that day...again mesi jezi for telling me what to do back in january. i wouldn't trade anything for being able to hug those beautiful people that day...and to say goodbye to blake for now with the many many people who loved him so much - well worth an extra plane ticket.

also while i was home i got to spend some lovely time with my parents, with my dog - who is terribly fat btw, i got to put my underwear in the dryer so now i don't have to roll them up to keep them on (one of the great things about handwashing your clothes is how skinny you get to feel...more and more with each washing!)

it also turns out that bank of america is taking such good care of me and my money that they decided to take action in response to some strange spending behavior...mind you, they didn't have any trouble with all the money being spent in haiti on my card...it wasn't until i got back to the states and was spending money in the country they thought i was in all along that i suddenly couldn't use my card...ahhh the BOA...

on thursday natasha rae and i had a lovely spend the night at the farm...where we spent the night talking! nothing like going to bed at five and getting up at seven...so worth it though...i love that girl.

friday night i spent at the MP (sunny brooks market place) hostessing when i wasn't distracted by people i wanted to visit with and listening to gitlo jam with sam and the occasional customer who felt like gettin up there with him...spent some qt with beaver out by the grill and if we had had like maybe 7 more minutes i think he could have had my whole life figured out...oh well...next time :)

after we closed down we headed to the brookses to get ready for RESCUE ME...a peaceful demonstration to raise awareness about the abduction of children by the LRA in uganda and surrounding countries in africa...i have to say the perfect way to spend my weekend at home...we painted and worshipped and made shirts and plans...then saturday we headed down to tallahassee to spend the night on the steps of the capital...the event was good and so was the fellowship...even if i was kind of out of it...for some reason part of my heart and mind were still on a certain crowd of short people hanging out in the basement of this house in haiti....

so yeah, good visit...i think it was a good "practice round" for my actual going home in june...otherwise i think it would have been a million times harder when i realized how naked i feel without a baby constantly in my lap, laying on my chest, hanging on my skirt, crawling on and under and over me all the time...is that weird?

wow...moving right along aren't we...back to haiti...

after a very exhausted drive in a sticky sweet smelling rental car (apparently they don't make car air fresheners in "dogs and dance feet" variety...ahh the blaze) i made my way back to this place...back to haiti...back to the kids...back to homeschooling...back to the roof...back to the crank muffin...back to tap dancing in the back yard...back to "AGAIN" with poutchino...back to thinking of white people as foreigners...back to the roof...back to driving like you are in a video game...back to changing money in the back room at one stop...back to this life i love so much it hurts...and with that we will start again tomorrow...

so ends the monster blog part one....rrraaaaaarrrr!

reunited...

so after 6 days of quarantine my little bird and i were back together again today...and just like the song says it really does feel so-o go-o-o-d....but since she is a severely malnurished baby with hiv and i was a little over 24 hours off the worst 5 days of fever i can remember...we celebrated with a nice long nap. looks like someone caught us in the act. thank you keziah for the use of your bed. and yes she peed in it. and yes you will have new sheets before you get home. and yes if you are reading this tonight i am probably sleeping in your bed on the dirty ones. but wait til you hear how many baths i have taken this week...your head might explode.

p.s. if any one out there has found a babies anonymous...i know now that i can't quit the crank muffin without some serious help...i am in way over my head here..but look at her...and she isn't even trying in this one. you should see her when she smiles...or helps pick out her own clothes....or shows me her belly to see how big it is now...or throws her tiny body upon the floor and tears at her braids at the idea of not being portayed every inch she travels...even that is cute when she does it.

my trip to super sickytonvilleland

so last thursday while by beautiful ladies were still here i came down with a case of the yuck eye..it isn't painful but just a little annoying and extremely contagious which means no touching babies (i suspect laura lynn and taniuska to be somehow responsible since they then had full access to MY baby ti zwazo) and is therefore a travesty to the human condition...or at least my human condition...but the next morning cold like symptoms had set in and so i prepared to crash out once i reluctantly took my peeps to the airport and get some rest so that i would be back in full swing for the next week...between all the groups in, mine and kerv's trips out etc. the past few weeks had been a little topsy turvy and the week would be my chance to realy focus on the house, on the kids, on kervens, on dorothy...try to help get things back in to normal swing and be as helpful as possible before my trip to the states on the 18th...5 days of fever, two trips to medlab, countless hours laid out on our tile floor, too many ibproben, not near enough ice chips and water, 6 days without touching a baby, a few hallucinations and one minor meltdown later and i am finally well enough to write and say that the super productive week i planned is not exactly what went down....

...but instead of telling you all the things i didn't get to that i "needed to" or walking you through all the lovely details of my super strange illness (don't worry aunt sabra i will tell you every detail later) i thought i would tell you what happens to you at faith hope love infant rescue when you are sicker than you have ever been in your whole life...

your beautiful roomates bring you water and vitamins and ibrophen and put them in arms reach of wherever you happen to have been able to fall asleep...even if it is right in the middle of the floor and totally in their way...and even if it is their vacation

those same lovely roomates turn your entire room into a quite zone 24 hours a day...even when you are awake...

you come from a bath to find that the "big kids" have come in and made you pancakes out of their toys to help make you well...

even though it is the worst possible time for you to have gotten sick and there is so much to do that you can't help with you get to see how God works it all together for his glory and how others jump in to help and make it all work...even if you have to hear about it afterwards b/c you are too delirous to know what is going on :)

you hear children randomly call your name throughout the day let you know that they are praying for you...

medications...malaria tests...nurses to adminster them...all happen to be right there in the house which is handy...

the nannies...every time you stumble your way into the kitchen looking for some kind of relief...meds...ice...you usually run into at least 2 or 3 beautiful haitian woman who will inquire about your health in creole and at least pretend to understand what you say...they will pray for you freely right then and there...and when you have been sick for a while and you are looking pretty rough...especially in the hair area...they will look away and pretend not to notice...:)

even though your illness has made life totally boring...the beautiful boy you are supposed to be teaching won't complain...he will come and sit quietly on your bed until you fall asleep and will read to you since it hurts to hold your eyes or the book open...he even does all the voices

did i mention amazing roomates....more water...more meds...more getting of the things it seems are just so far away...the insisting that you eat and silly stuff like that...even more the offer to cook for you the stuff they are insisting you eat. the funny stories from school and boat and relationships to distract you from the huge temper tantrum your body is throwing.

even though it means she is having to do clinic and meds and deal with new babies and the trips to the base to try to get kids onto the surgery boat and a million other things without any help from you...dorothy still manages in to come in after all that as ask how YOU are doing...wow.

when it is finally too much and things just aren't getting better the beautiful dorothy and roomates will pack you into the car and haul you in to give your blood and pee and throat yuck to see what in the world is wrong with you...which means driving at night in haiti...and they will do it again the very next night if need be...and if they find out you don't have dengue fever...they will let you hold a baby on the way home.

when you finally emerge into the land of the living again children will flock to you like you have been gone a year but they will be easy on you too like somehow they know you aren't ready...they will ask to dance because they know you need to hear they want to but they won't beg because they know you really can't do it...not today...maybe tomorrow...

and ti zwazo will clap her hands and laugh. oh man.

there has been something really educational about being really sick right in the midst of this life...there is no where in this house you can go that life isn't happening...that you can't hear the laughs and cries of children, the scolds of nannies, the banging of pot and the washing of bottoms...but even when sounds and lights seem to hurt having to lay very still while it all happens around makes you understand it in a whole new way. and i hope i will value every day that i don't have a headache the way i valued the first hour i didn't have one after those days of having one...and even though i have always had probably more sympathy for a sick child than i actually needed i think listening to them while also being one has given me a different insight as to what it is to live that that...and i think i am a much better person for it....just the reminder that this very intricate, very busy, very difficult life could very well continue on with out me and it is not a necessity that i be involved here at all but something i am blessed enough to get to participate in was really good for me...there was so much...i wish i hadn't been so darn sick so i could have written all my revelations down :)...i received some of the most plain and precious and pure offerings of love from some of the deepest and most honest places in the hearts of the people here...that sounds very dramatic and over the top but it is very true and so you should know...and just so you know i don't have any dreaded fever or malaria and i am in fact going to live..so yay. i even have several pages of information about what is going on in my blood and my urine and the back of my throat ...is written in french and means virtually nothing to me but hey, im in haiti.

i love you all and if you are in southeast ga...i might see you next week...whoo hoo.

bon fet

so i have some of my family here this week so and there is so much to say about that i don't know where to begin so we will leave that for now...a play by play of a ridiculous and wonderful week will be in order soon....however...something happened this week that i can't wait any longer to share...the bon fet of bon fets (read the happy birthday of happy birthdays)..three of our kids had birthdays this week including jetline...our 2nd oldest kid...so i was determined to have an extravaganza...so while we were out that day kervens and i did a little shopping...kervs bought the kids gifts and i, of course, took care of the snacks... that night we baked funfetti brownies and fancied up the dining room with some help from mama dorothy's party supply box...the plan was to bring up the big kids and the birthday kids for dress up and party time...but since two of the three birthday peeps were little ones so we decided we needed to bring at least one friend for each of them...and then we figured that frantzo and jj (our two that aren't really babies but aren't in the big kid club yet) could handle it...and that poutchino would really love it...before we knew it we had all the kids...all the nannies...and all of us in the dining room with sequins and eyepatches and hats and cowboy boots flying...needless to say it might have been one of the greatest nights of my life...and i am sure the birthday kids had an okay time too...:)

can you be addicted to a baby?

so i am staying with mama kati and sam and kervens over at sherrie's school which is so great because it has been so weird to have them here in haiti but not be with me...however...i am totally missing my ti zwazo...i think i might have a problem...is there a babies anonymous? anyway, i hear she is doing okay just super cranky...her mama and keziah and i took her and johnny j and loveinsky to the aids clinic at ti frer ti ser yesterday and a bowl of cheez-its, two packs of the "green cookies", countless packs of regular bon bon, three spilled cups of water, 4 temper tantrums (all loveinsky), one pulled NG tube later we were headed home...yeah, i have decided that loveinsky can no longer be considered the epitome of love itself b/c he is not in fact patient and is in fact jealous so he is disqualified on two counts...but we are keeping the name b/c when he smiles that ridiculous smile...yeah....

our kids as a whole are doing really great...several family members have visited recently which is so great for the kids...jimson is walking like a pro now...miltha, johnny, love are close...and there is a lot more talking going on...frantzo and jj and jojo and so many others are saying names and answering questions...it is so exciting! also...poutchino is still seizure free on his new med and is pulling up and trying to walk all the time...he is so quick! not to mention how well he is eating and how great his moods are! richardson is doing great on his "get ready for school" school...he is so excited to go to school like his big sister gertie...and he is doing great with his english too...gert is gert...quite a mess but wonderful and amazing and such a little mama...she has also cut way back on the temper tantrums which is nice...that girl has a will that will change this world...what an honor to see it being molded and shaped!! oh i love these ti moun yo so so so much!

my mama and my sister and my taniuska are all coming to visit on saturday for a week and i am so beyond excited...my mama got her passport in the mail yesterday so she is all official now! holy holy! i hope haiti is ready for those crizazy wonderful women...:)

i will be in the states for a few days...april 19-27th to be more informative...which means that i also bought my plane ticket for my last month here today which was really weird...i will officially be returning to the states on june 8th...after that...all kinds of thoughts and ideas...hmmm....

wait and let me warm up your ice cream...so

so today kez and i took baby miltha for a chest x-ray and then stopped by epi d'or to introduce her to the miracle of ice cream...at 9am. she was down for the sugar rush but appalled that anyone would make anything so cold...it was pretty much amazing...then we came home to witness another milestone...ti zwazo...our newest addition who is still subsisting solely on pediasure through an ng tube and her beloved cheez-its CRAWLED! we left her in the room on the floor in our efforts to not hold her ALL THE TIME and thus ruin her for life once she is healthier...she was having no part of it and when dorothy turned around there she was crawling to follow us...and mad as could be for having been left alone...of course the fact that all three of us responded to her tremendous effort by running for our cameras and smiling and laughing and clapping not picking her up RIGHT AWAY only made the tiny bird more furious...if looks could kill...that is my day so far...

so the biggest story since i got home and the one that has had me so overwhelmed that doing anything...including writing about it...has been an extra challenge...on saturday after getting in from our trip to gonaives and saying bye to the team and meeting ti zwazo and seeing our kids i had missed and mama dorothy and kez and dannae and the nannies...i went to take the much needed bath...everyone was excited....when i came out i heard the car leaving (everyone hears when our car leaves) and since we rarely ever drive a dark i immediately thought something was wrong with the baby...instead i found dorothy holding her and saying that what we had been hearing rumor of and dreading had happened...the government had come into the ravine where many of our kids come from, where many of sherrie's students live, where keziah walks and treats sick children and families every week and knocked down over 300 homes...crushed them and pushed the debris into the ravine where it would be neary impossible to salvage from...kez and sam were on their way down to see what they could do...

after praying and hugging and at least laying eyes on as many families as they could...they managed to secure a warehouse as very temporary sleeping space for all the people who were now homeless and hadn't found somewhere to spend the night...not long after that...it started to rain...probably the hardest thing i have done since i have been in haiti...maybe in my whole life....was to lay my head down in a dry bed, under a solid roof, with a full belly that night....

the next day i went down with kez and sam to survey the situation in the daylight...it is so overwhelming and it is only the beginning... more sections are coming down every day...all in the supposed name of progress...the mayor claims to be planning to widen and repair roads...even if that were true...they are destroying at a much faster rate than they could ever hope to build...and displacing 1000s of the poorest people with little or no warning and no compensation after they would have just struggled to come up with a year's rent 2 months ago. the odds of finding a place and money to pay for it with are at their worst and even leaving town for the country puts them away from resources, schools and meals for their kids, medical care, jobs, missionaries...you get the idea. it is such a mess...kez was able to help some of her families, sherrie some of hers, and i drove down and helped move one of our nannies out of her home which is scheduled for demolition. but the effects of this are going to be so lasting and it overwhelms my heart...who and where and how to help ....the questions are so big and it makes me feel so small...how do i show these people that god is bigger than this...that his love for them is bigger than this...