so tonight was supposed to be "fake amish new year" which is a long story that is probably only funny to my family, or maybe just me, and it ended up not happening at all. it wasn't until i laid down tonight (which happened to be right a midnight) that i realized that in addition to missing out on time at "the coast," fireworks, seeing a lot of peeps i had yet to get to hang with on this break, and a midnight dip in the julienton river, by skipping regular new years in favor of fake amish new years and then skipping that too we never officially welcomed 2011....i realized this in a kind of backwards way too...
first i decided that i should try to write, draw, paint, sew, or dance something everyday and that even still i should be writing everyday, there is just too much happening in my world and my head on a daily basis not to be documenting it for my own reflection once this school season of my life gives way to whatever is next...so next a thought that it was was too bad i didn't think of this at new years so that i could have started fresh with this idea at the beginning of 2011 (read: so that i could have turned this healthy idea for growth and living into the cliche and undue burden and pressure of a new year's resolution)....only then did i realize that since the 6th was supposed to have been fake amish new year, our new year, i was not late and was in fact exactly on time (it was 12:02am by the time i finished having this thought)
so at that point it seemed appropriate to get out of bed and make sure that day one of this venture is a success....writing every day means that sometimes what i write will be way more for me than for anyone else but for sanity's sake i think i will write it all here anyway, except when i don't, and except when i write really important things on envelopes, napkins, the cardboard from battery packages, the back of my hand, and receipts from damon's famous wings.
anyone who actually keeps up with this and notices that i am slacking at any point is free to whine about it, remind me incessantly, and otherwise give me shit about it and call it holding me "accountable" to my own desire and goal...you know...like we do....
ironically, this first writing is really just me writing about my intention to do more writing more than actually writing anything...does it count if i say the word "writing" an obnoxious number of times?
in the spirit of documentation...i did spend the day out at my house, the south forty farm, cleaning (read: moving all the stuff people are storing in my house around so i looks less like a repo warehouse after a tornado). i ended up taking my first baby steps in throwing away stuff which is surprisingly difficult for me in spite of my somewhat nomadic spirit for a number of reasons we won't analyze here tonight. i also ended up finding reminders of moments and places and people from my life that haven't rode shotgun in my thoughts for quite some time. i found reminders of times when i saw certain moments, places and people very differently than i do right now. i found tiny things i can't believe i have managed to hold on to all these years without even meaning to, and couldn't find large and important things i had diligently tried to keep near and i am still pondering the metaphor behind that. i found the strength to move big pieces of furniture by myself and to let go of pieces of my past. i found pieces of things that have been broken and grace for those who broke them. i found a great mix cd and listened to it 5 times through. i found the lyrics i had been needing to hear on time number 5 and i found room to dance around all by myself. i found great joy and satisfaction in finding a place in my home for everyone's stuff, including 4 couches. again, still working through the metaphor. after all that i found a way to leave the house i love so much thinking as i always do when i am there how cool it would be if i could find a way to just stay out there all the time for a while, fixing things and making art and stuff out of old junk. not now, but someday.
i also found a vitamin bottle full of bullets, a book called he-manners, a mysterious bag of meat, kasey kartwheel's pom pons, an unopened bottle of chianti (in the basket) from before 1969, a hand knit baby sweater, the sheet music for november rain, the keys to two churches, a swimsuit worn in the 1972 miss georgia pageant, a velvet robe with zebra print lining and fur trim...custom made for a dog, the receipt for a radiator i put into my first car, a giant wooden bust of a native american chief, and a spittoon.
i love the farm.
happy not fake amish new years everybody...
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